我想要的。

平平淡淡的友谊，
不用怎么样精彩却能一直一直走下去，
这才是我一直想要的，我想争取的。 
不用讨好对方，
淡淡的一个问候便能感受到那种温暖，
是我想要的。
有时侯，自己会不经意的就多关心她一点，
只为了自己也能不经意的就得到这样的关怀,温暖。
一个眼神，你就能知道我在想什么，
这样的了解，心灵相通，就是我想要的。
没有负担的聊话，
互相唠叨却不厌烦，
是我向往的。
我不要轰轰烈烈，只要平平淡淡，稳稳的友谊。

欣儿

欣儿，我很想念以前一起度过的时光。
有时候见到你，会好像有很多很多话想跟你说，但却又什么都说不出。
我们之间，好像多了很多的距离。
我很不想承认，但却又不得不承认。
我们，真的真的疏远了好多好多。
两年多了，没有一起谈心，一起玩，一起用功。
是我自己没能达到你所达到的。
是我自己不争气啊，如今又能怪谁呢？
老实说，我很羡慕你和她的友谊。
能一起打打闹闹的，平凡却很快乐。

归宿

归宿。
我真的很想找一个新的归宿。
归宿=知己=麻吉
能一起谈心，一起玩。
不用顾虑太多。
能够随心所欲的聊。
不用互相猜疑对方的心情。
可以开玩笑，但是却不会伤害对方。
能心灵相通，能了解对方。

我不要猜疑。
我不要顾虑这么多。
很很很累人。
为什么要理这么多。
我不要我不要！
简简单单的，才是我要的。
猜疑很累，说每句话都要考虑了才能说很累。
面对知己，我想天马行空的，什么都聊。
面对知己，我不要说什么都要想。
我不要！我抗拒！我讨厌！
我知道我很自私，很坏。 但那真的真的太累人了。
想不到原来我感受那么多吧。
我不是迟钝，不知道你的感受，只是装傻。
我不想要依赖任何人。
一旦我依赖了就会一直想要靠着。
万一有一天这个人没了我该怎么办？
所以我绝对不允许自己这样！
除非，我真的很幸运找到这么样一个人，可以让我完全相信。
虽然，目前并没有这么样的一个人。
可能你觉得我很信赖她，很依靠她。
但我其实并没有。
表面和心底里想的未必一致，想必你也知道。


很旧没有上部落格了，一上来就打了一堆。。。 -.-
算了，我承认自己是个很纠结的人。
想要有一个人很了解我，但又不想让人看透。
纠结啊纠结！

T-I-R-E-D

Feel like I'm damn tired.
Like hell ! I'm tired of giving response that I don't know how to give.
I'm a coward. I'm a bad guy.
I feel that I'm tired talking to you.
I wanna run.
I can't describe my feeling.
I ... ... ... ...
I really really don't know what response should I give.
I don't talk to you, I feel like I neglected you.
When I talk to you, I feel what I've said will hurt you in a way that I don't even realize.
정말로정말로 매우 피곤. 
  

I don't want to hurt you, but I really don't know how to face you. 

I feel like I don't know what to say now. 

I feel like I don't even know that what should I say now. 

I tried to face you calmly, happily. 

but but but I really don't know why I'll feel annoyed sometimes. 

my temper is really bad I know. 

I don't want to hurt anyone else. 

I ... just want a person that can talk to, in a very relaxed way without caring anything, I hope to talk to that person I wished to find in a way that anything won't affect our friendship. I ... just wish to find that person. 

I don't know how to express myself well. 

I may hurt you, but, I didn't really trust her so well until I neglect you. 

Yes, I;m bad because I'm acting like I'm a fool and I don't know anything and trust her. 

I;m just protecting myself. I didn't gave out all my trust to anyone else in my heart. 

Once, I gave it to you and thought that it would last but then I found myself wrong. 

Sometimes I even think that is it my fault make these changed or is it you changed ? 

I try to understand you using your mind but I really can't. 

Many of your actions make me can't understand, really. 

I try not to expose myself so much already but just it wouldn't help and, just making it worst sometimes. 

I know you are weak. Hence I every time I talk or reply you I really have to think before, just not to hurt you but sometimes I really can't bare even I know that it is wrong to treat you like that. 

I feel that I can't understand you well, I can't understand your mind, thinking. 

Is it true that there's a big gap in our thinking ? 

Maybe we can talk really well in some thing but there's definitely a gap in our thinking in some way. 

AH! so annoying! frustrated! 

I like to talk to you and yet I dislike it sometimes. :( 

Is it true that I'm bad ? I wish that I'm not.