我想要的。

平平淡淡的友谊，
不用怎么样精彩却能一直一直走下去，
这才是我一直想要的，我想争取的。 
不用讨好对方，
淡淡的一个问候便能感受到那种温暖，
是我想要的。
有时侯，自己会不经意的就多关心她一点，
只为了自己也能不经意的就得到这样的关怀,温暖。
一个眼神，你就能知道我在想什么，
这样的了解，心灵相通，就是我想要的。
没有负担的聊话，
互相唠叨却不厌烦，
是我向往的。
我不要轰轰烈烈，只要平平淡淡，稳稳的友谊。

欣儿

欣儿，我很想念以前一起度过的时光。
有时候见到你，会好像有很多很多话想跟你说，但却又什么都说不出。
我们之间，好像多了很多的距离。
我很不想承认，但却又不得不承认。
我们，真的真的疏远了好多好多。
两年多了，没有一起谈心，一起玩，一起用功。
是我自己没能达到你所达到的。
是我自己不争气啊，如今又能怪谁呢？
老实说，我很羡慕你和她的友谊。
能一起打打闹闹的，平凡却很快乐。

归宿

归宿。
我真的很想找一个新的归宿。
归宿=知己=麻吉
能一起谈心，一起玩。
不用顾虑太多。
能够随心所欲的聊。
不用互相猜疑对方的心情。
可以开玩笑，但是却不会伤害对方。
能心灵相通，能了解对方。

我不要猜疑。
我不要顾虑这么多。
很很很累人。
为什么要理这么多。
我不要我不要！
简简单单的，才是我要的。
猜疑很累，说每句话都要考虑了才能说很累。
面对知己，我想天马行空的，什么都聊。
面对知己，我不要说什么都要想。
我不要！我抗拒！我讨厌！
我知道我很自私，很坏。 但那真的真的太累人了。
想不到原来我感受那么多吧。
我不是迟钝，不知道你的感受，只是装傻。
我不想要依赖任何人。
一旦我依赖了就会一直想要靠着。
万一有一天这个人没了我该怎么办？
所以我绝对不允许自己这样！
除非，我真的很幸运找到这么样一个人，可以让我完全相信。
虽然，目前并没有这么样的一个人。
可能你觉得我很信赖她，很依靠她。
但我其实并没有。
表面和心底里想的未必一致，想必你也知道。


很旧没有上部落格了，一上来就打了一堆。。。 -.-
算了，我承认自己是个很纠结的人。
想要有一个人很了解我，但又不想让人看透。
纠结啊纠结！

T-I-R-E-D

Feel like I'm damn tired.
Like hell ! I'm tired of giving response that I don't know how to give.
I'm a coward. I'm a bad guy.
I feel that I'm tired talking to you.
I wanna run.
I can't describe my feeling.
I ... ... ... ...
I really really don't know what response should I give.
I don't talk to you, I feel like I neglected you.
When I talk to you, I feel what I've said will hurt you in a way that I don't even realize.
정말로정말로 매우 피곤. 
  

I don't want to hurt you, but I really don't know how to face you. 

I feel like I don't know what to say now. 

I feel like I don't even know that what should I say now. 

I tried to face you calmly, happily. 

but but but I really don't know why I'll feel annoyed sometimes. 

my temper is really bad I know. 

I don't want to hurt anyone else. 

I ... just want a person that can talk to, in a very relaxed way without caring anything, I hope to talk to that person I wished to find in a way that anything won't affect our friendship. I ... just wish to find that person. 

I don't know how to express myself well. 

I may hurt you, but, I didn't really trust her so well until I neglect you. 

Yes, I;m bad because I'm acting like I'm a fool and I don't know anything and trust her. 

I;m just protecting myself. I didn't gave out all my trust to anyone else in my heart. 

Once, I gave it to you and thought that it would last but then I found myself wrong. 

Sometimes I even think that is it my fault make these changed or is it you changed ? 

I try to understand you using your mind but I really can't. 

Many of your actions make me can't understand, really. 

I try not to expose myself so much already but just it wouldn't help and, just making it worst sometimes. 

I know you are weak. Hence I every time I talk or reply you I really have to think before, just not to hurt you but sometimes I really can't bare even I know that it is wrong to treat you like that. 

I feel that I can't understand you well, I can't understand your mind, thinking. 

Is it true that there's a big gap in our thinking ? 

Maybe we can talk really well in some thing but there's definitely a gap in our thinking in some way. 

AH! so annoying! frustrated! 

I like to talk to you and yet I dislike it sometimes. :( 

Is it true that I'm bad ? I wish that I'm not.

Complicated March Life.

Feel like my heart has been cut into many many pieces.

Maybe you feel like I'm strong enough.

It's two problem that you don't know.

I felt neglected. I felt abandoned.

I'm like a kid that left behind by the others.

I didn't cry doesn't mean that I'm that strong or I'm okay. I just don't want to be hurt again.

What I can do is just run. Run to a world without you guys.

I feel like hating what we've loved before.

Yes I'm bad! Is it enough?

I gave my trust to you and you make me feel I'm not good enough for you guys to see me important.

The other thing is, I've apologized to them. I don't know what do you want.

I'm too tired of being left behind. This is not short term but long term. Its so tiring and I felt my heart painful when I see you guys.

________________________________________________________________________________

三人行，一定有人会是被忽略的那个。

This is so true.

________________________________________________________________________________



有些伤痛，说不出，只能让时间慢慢冲淡。

有些感受，我也只能自己收起。

________________________________________________________________________________



一句小小的话，能让人开心，为何不说？

不经意的一句话，足以留下很大的伤害，为何不想了再说呢？

________________________________________________________________________________

我不哭，不代表我真的不痛，我只是不想让别人知道我的痛。

这背后一切的一切，只有我自己知道。

________________________________________________________________________________

The end. I have no idea what to do.

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感想

不哭不代表不痛，哭也并不代表很痛。

就如几米绘本里说的

“有些痛，

說不出來，

只能忍著，

直到能夠慢慢淡忘。”

曾经共同编织的梦，如今支离破碎。

留下的，只是一颗伤痕累累的心。

"You make me go insane. 
She gives me so much pain."

It Has Been 800 Days!!

The 800 Days of BEAST !

BEAST oppas congrats! Chulkahae!

SO BEAST !!!

Junhyung and kikwang oppa you guys must get well soon ah. :'(

We B2uties are worried :(

Anyway, 비스트오빠사랑해! 화이티오빠!!

Seems like my 2nd bias after 요섭오빠 is... Our LeaderYoon! Omg Omg! He is freaking handsome and hottttt !!! Mc leader Yoon! Mc Yoon Doojoon! <3

CUBE !!! BEAST !!! DAEBAK! THE BEST!

#NP - Beast Fiction

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